You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had to cum in my sink.
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