I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
