I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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