one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you traded sex for a burrito?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
