I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was confusing and full of hummus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
