I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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