i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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