You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
