Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
