Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
