theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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