he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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