She tied me up with her honor cords...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
