dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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