its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
