It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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