Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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