i already hear my dad disowning me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
