he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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