Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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