You work out of a Hotel?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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