Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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