i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
