1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
