I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
