He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
