The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
