We're facebook friends in real life
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
