one two three fourrrrnication!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
