You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
