remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
