He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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