my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
