I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
