Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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