My liver just broke up with me...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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