fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
