All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
