Only a mothe r could love this liver
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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