So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
