Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
