I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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