And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
