Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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