don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
