btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
