Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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