no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
