I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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