he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
