I wish my penis had an off switch
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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