The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
