Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
