why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
